We Say Our Goodbyes

It seems like Mom only had one good week since she moved into her new home. During a recent phone appointment with her doctor, he totally took her off her maintenance dose of Prednisone. She's been taking 2.5 mg for years and all of a sudden he's worried about her organs. Within a week, she started coughing and it didn't stop.  Because it takes so long to get a simple prescription from him (even over the counter), she didn't get any Mucinex for a week. That simple med is a lifeline for her so I snuck her in some of my own. 

On the 13th she got bad enough and was having trouble breathing, they called an ambulance and took her to the ER. They found some fluid in her lungs and legs/feet so they gave her some Lasix and diagnosed her with congestive heart failure. She was back home about 2:00 am. Debbie went and stayed the night with her.

The owner convinced us to put her on Hospice, so on Valentine's Day I drove back out to meet a Hospice nurse. Mom was in on the conversation and once it was explained to her, she was all for it and even signed the papers herself. The owner and aids out in the kitchen were placing bets on whether she would or not (because they know what a stubborn woman she could be).

The next day she started on a small dose of Morphine for pain and she told Deb, "I guess I'm officially on Hospice now!" Deb didn't stay that night but did on Monday. With just that small bit of morphine, she was too weak to do anything and was in bed by 8:30. Her and Deb talked off and on during the night, she was still as sharp and funny as ever. 

Yesterday morning Deb told me I should come earlier than my planned arrival at 4:00 to stay over. Mom's breathing had changed. I arrived about 11 and she responded when I told her I was there. They then started the anti-anxiety med along with morphine. I had Faith come for a bit around noon and she mustered a little 'hi' for her. Every one was gone and I was alone just watching TV and glancing at Mom every few minutes to watch her breathing rhythm. Every once in awhile I would get up to sit by her and hold her hand. My younger brother hurriedly made travel plans to be in last night and I was going to go home when he arrived. The last time I looked at Mom, I saw her swallow a few times and then she was gone. I jumped up and couldn't believe it happened that fast and I didn't even notice the change! I feel that the morphine helped her body relax and not fight to take a breath for the first time in years.

I made my calls and we all waited for the youngest who got there about 9:15. He was devastated that he didn't arrive in time and we are all shocked how fast it went as the night before she was sitting at the table and having some dinner. I'm glad I was there Sunday with Deb and we had lots of laughs even though she felt pretty crappy.

Today we went back to clean out the room a bit even though we have till the end of the month and my brother will go home tomorrow. I feel awful that we've had so much time to be with her and prepare, and he got 5 minutes to say goodbye. It was wonderful for all of us to spend time together and Mom would have been happy.

I hope all of this hasn't been too morbid for you but it helps me to remember and process. We have new  dog requests coming in everyday so I'm sure I'll be back soon with more doggo pics and stories.