We Carry On

It's been a rough week, not gonna lie. It's the little things about Nellie that I miss the most. I expect to see her lying down outside in one of her favorite spots. I will always look for her as long as we live here. The house is quiet without the jingle of her collar, snoring, and yes even the farting. The way she would nudge my arm from behind my chair when she wanted treats. The little twinkle she would get in her eyes when she was excited about something; usually a walk or dinner. When I would come home with groceries she would meet me and jam her head in the bags to see what I brought her. She learned what "On your marks, get set, go!" meant but she was a cheater and always took off on "get set" and beat me.

I am mostly at peace now, but will always regret the vet we used. That is what will eat at me forever. I left a bad review of him on Google, maybe some will bypass him for his euthanasia services.

We have kept busy cleaning. I'm working little by little with my new machine until the whole carpet is clean. The shelter where we adopted her now has all of her personal items, except the ones we kept for ourselves. I was able to send back unopened medications to the online pharmacy we used. They were just going to credit my account, but I said I would never have another pet so what sense did that make? It's too bad they have to destroy the meds, but they did agree to pay me back for their purchase. Our own vet will donate the opened meds to other patients, was happy to hear that. The Kid and I painted our salt dough paw prints.

Just yesterday I laid on the floor so The Kid could pop my back. She's my personal chiropractor :) It's a part of the floor I haven't got to yet and it smelled like dog. Not in a bad way, just a Nellie dog way and I started crying. She probably thought I had lost my marbles lying on the floor, sniffing the carpet and crying!

Her ashes were hand delivered by the same young man that picked her up. They came enclosed in a cute little red heart inside a red box. We put some in several little bottles for each of us, even my Mom. A small bag was set aside for this spring to scatter around the yard. The rest went in a decoupaged jar that my Mom had done in 1998. At the time we had joked about using it for her urn. It was perfect. We cleared off a shelf for her ashes, collar, treat ball, toy, little jar of fur, sympathy cards, and picture. Weird maybe, but comforting.

We took The Kid back to college yesterday. She's not adept at driving in the snow yet and this week is supposed to snow a lot. As if right on cue, as we were heading back home, it started, so I'm glad we did it that way.

So I guess we carry on like anyone else does after a loss...of any kind. Just one foot (or snow boot) in front of another.


Valerie said…
I read this with tears in the eyes because I know exactly how you are feeling. It will pass, of course, but it sure takes time. In the meantime, keep on doing what you're doing and value your memories and keepsakes. Hugs from me.
Grumpy said…
I know it's a terrible feeling, but don't be so sure about not ever having another pet. You gave Nellie a great home; you could save another dog and do the same thing. Give yourself some time and think about it.
Anonymous said…
Grumpy's right - I know the pain right now is too raw and too fresh to think about loving another pet, but someday, when the time is right, you may find that you and your family can open your hearts and lives to give another animal a wonderful life, just like Nellie had with you.
Mr. Shife said…
Hang in there, dear friend. Again so sorry for your loss. Time does move you forward, but there are those days. Take care.

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