No More

No more potty training
No more digging in the yard
No more chewing off bushes
No more jumping
No more pulling on the leash
No more obedience training
No more barking at the mailman

No more long walks
No more puppy sighs
No more playing keep-away with toys
No more puppy kisses
No more traveling companion
No more treats
No more playing in the snow
No more doggy playdates
No more lying in your corner of the yard guarding your kingdom
No more meeting us at the gate when we come home
No more last bites of our dinner
No more running in the football field
No more compliments on how beautiful you are

No more pain meds
No more incontinent meds
No more joint meds
No more cleaning up accidents
No more picking you up off the floor
No more sleepless nights
Pain… more, Nellie

You’re free

Nellie had a hard time over Christmas weekend. We were only gone for about 4 hours but she had messed in the house. The next day she snuck into our daughters room to throw up. Her legs were much worse and she fell all day long. Getting in/outside was treacherous for all involved because we'd have to pick her up off the snow and ice all hours of the day and night. We truly did the best we could to cater to all of her needs but it just got to be too much. We were basically on duty 24 hours a day. It was a very hard decision but we were all in agreement to let her go.

I arranged for a mobile vet and then a crematory business came to pick her up and will deliver her ashes at a later date. We will scatter some in the corner of the back yard in her favorite spot. The Kid wants to have some ashes used in a personalized piece of blown glass. It seems to be something that is gaining popularity. The day before, her and I made some salt dough paw prints. One will be able to hang, and one will lean up against her urn.

Still, all of this brings no consolation. I had no idea it would hurt so bad. I am riddled with guilt and sorrow. I am second guessing our decision every day. The day before and the day of our appointment, I gave her extra pain meds in the morning. We usually only gave her some at night. She seemed to be getting around better and then I felt horrible for what I had planned. Was it just a short term rebound? Would she have had another week, or maybe a year?

The mobile vet I called sounded nice on the phone. He was nice, but still all business. He seemed to rush through the whole thing. Gave her a poke of sedative while she was standing up. We set up a portable massage table so we could all gather around. He said "Oh I don't need that, I can just do it on the floor". I didn't do it for you dumb ass. I don't think the sedative ever took place and the rest is too horrible to even type, but I will never forget those last few minutes of her life. I feel like I have murdered a member of our family.

And then to kick a family while they're down, the very next day my husband got let go from the job that he loved. It's almost too much to handle and a sucky way to end the year. I'm so glad our daughter is home for one more week before going back to college. She is the only thing keeping me whole.


Valerie said…
I'm crying with you. All the old cliche's come to mind: been there, done that, and I still miss him. So will you. My advice is to keep writing about her. It helps.

I hope 2017 turns out to be a good year for you all.
Grumpy said…
I'm truly so sorry to hear this news. I felt like I knew Nelllie through your writing about her. She led a long, happy life with a great family and you will have wonderful memories of her.
Mr. Shife said…
I'm so sorry about Nellie, kden. I know it definitely doesn't feel like it, but you did the right thing. We felt the same way about Quincy dog when we had to put him down. Selfishly you want to keep them around, but in the end, you have to do what is right for the pet and you did do that. Now she's up at the Rainbow Bridge. Again my deepest condolences and please take care. Also, sorry to hear about the hubby's job. Here's to a better year for sure.

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