A Letter To My Daughter

This is a letter I wrote to my Daughter on her 19th Birthday, which was 3 days ago. We were going to go to PF Changs along with her boyfriend but the dinner never happened; we got into a big fight and I elected to not go, so she cancelled the reservations and her boyfriend went home. Her presents and card were opened later but it was not the night I had hoped for.

We've had it kind of bumpy lately for so many reasons; but mostly bruised feelings on my part. It's not her fault, it's mine. I'm just having a hard time with her spending half of her summer with her boyfriend, and after she wrote me a note apologizing I felt she needed a proper reply to explain the way I feel.

"Nineteen years ago today the best thing happened to me; I had you!!! As you know, I didn't  really want kids but I'm sure glad God didn't want to hear any of that nonsense. Because then I would have never got to meet the sweetest, happiest, best, (well maybe not for the first 6 months) kid ever.

I would like to think that we have shared a bond unlike any other Mother and Daughter in the world. I feel like you are a (better) extension of myself and sometimes we are one and the same. You are a body part of mine; not the flabby ones though. Our hearts and souls are bound by the delicate chains that only a parent and child can have.

When you left for college, the chains started breaking but were welded back together every weekend. During Christmas break they became solid again but tarnished where the welding took place.

When you met Anthony, the chains broke even faster and the welding didn't hold as long or strongly. Then summer came and I thought we could weld them back together but they just keep breaking faster and faster and I can't keep up.

Your whole life has been a training ground to teach you to break those chains; but instead of them dropping slowly and painlessly, they came off too fast and jarringly. Although it’s all a natural part of life and is supposed to happen; our chains broke so fast and sudden and I feel physical pain because of it.

Although I can't feel it now, in time those rusted, tarnished, old chains will soon be replaced by golden threads. Threads that will always keep us bound together but have much more flexibility and strength so you can go as far as you want but the bond will never break. I will always be there for you.

I’m sorry if I caused you to feel bad about growing up. It’s just how I feel as I go from someone who was needed, to now feeling old and useless. But you have done nothing wrong.

You are doing fine. You are doing what you're supposed to do. I’m proud of you and I’m happy for you.

I will Love You Forever, Like You For Always, As Long As I'm Living, My Baby You'll Be.


Mom Mommy Mama Madre"

I hope it gets easier soon, I don't like feeling broken.




Comments

Peruby said…
Golden threads - beautiful.
Claire M. King said…
Nothing to feel ashamed about...the letter or your feelings about her growing up. I have had them and have survived three times over. It will never change because you are a great mother...feeling a loss or fear or anxiousness each step of the way. She will get, it if she doesn't already.

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