Mr Sensitive

My husband has been driving me nuts lately, more than usual. I don't know if it's because he's getting older or that our daughter is maturing, but he is downright touchy and sensitive.

Daughter and I have to talk in hushed tones because if we are talking about anything, and I mean anything, personal or not, he comes running in from another room and says "What, WHAT?", like he is missing out on something.

The other day he found out through his son that our daughter's ex that dumped her less than 2 months ago, has already sent her a new Facebook friend request. She clearly wrote about it on FB and thought it was lame but since hubby doesn't get on that often and didn't see it, he had his feelings hurt that she didn't tell him personally.

He is also still hurt than I did not want to take him with me to Alaska. I tried to be nice a few weeks before I left and really explain why; that I would just like a few days to myself where I don't have to be responsible to anyone but myself and not have anyone to take care of.  His response? "That's not nice, that hurt my feelings."

"How old are you?" I think to myself and often say to him. The man will be 66 next week and he still acts like a baby.

The other night daughter was telling me the grades she has so far in a few classes. He's standing there, clearly pissed that we didn't include him in the conversation. But when we do talk to him he's watching TV so intently that when we tell him we're talking to him he says "Oh, are you talking to me?" She will not tell him if she doesn't do well on a test, which is unlike her, because he will grill her. "Did you study? Is there something you don't understand? Maybe you should stay after school and get help. Teachers aren't teaching what they should be. The district doesn't pay teachers enough".....and on and on. That's why we talk in hushed tones or wait completely until he goes to work before we talk about anything.

Even little unimportant things he feels he has to know about, or girl talk (personal girly things). I swear he doesn't get that she's growing up and doesn't want to talk about every little thing. He still sees her as a little 3 year old girl. There are probably things she doesn't even tell me and it doesn't bother me at all. But he's different; I would even go as far to think that he wants to know if she pooped that morning. It gets that weird. He feels like we're leaving him out of things and maybe to some degree, yes, only because he over reacts to everything. I just can't help it that we are extremely close and I am the one she talks to the most. But if anything affects her health and well being, he is the first one I will tell, even behind HER back sometimes.

There are plenty of things that she would rather do with him too. She still likes to go to work with him sometimes on Fridays even if it keeps her out until 1:30 am. They like to go hiking together and could spend hours throwing rocks in the river. To me, that's boring. He also will take a Friday off occasionally and take her to a football game. There are TV shows I don't like, that they record and enjoy watching together. So it's not like I'm keeping him from her.

I know where this all comes from. His boys are grown now and they stopped telling him stuff a long time ago. We are usually the last ones to know anything big going on in their lives. So I do get it; he's afraid of losing his little girl like he's lost them. But the man has to step back and let her actually approach him instead of him being a helicopter parent (which he claims he isn't). I had to sit him down the other day and tell him if he keeps trying to wedge himself in and then gets upset when she doesn't tell him every detail of her life, she will cease to want to spend time with him altogether.

Will it work? Only until the next time we hurt his feelings.


bill said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grumpy said…
I don't have children so it's hard for me to really say much. But I can imagine that a father in his situation, with two women naturally being closer, might feel left out at times.

Eighteen or eighty, she's always going to be his little girl.
Huh! Sounds to me as though he is just being a Dad. Cut him some slack. Also he has probably heard about the way Eskimo's love snuggling up with women in their igloos. I know they are called Innuit but I can't spell that.
Have a great time in Alaska.
Claire King said…
Hey kden,
Glad to be the first woman and mom to pipe in here. The gents have some valuable points. bill's comment surprised me, but then, maybe he and his wife don't spend much time apart and that may be why he said those things about not having a hubby upon the return, or he is joking.
Grumpy and hub are right about "his little girl" comments an your hubby needs some slack.
It sounds to me you are trying to be understanding to them both.
1)Keep reminding your hubby about being approachable when she needs it and treasure the times they have together.
2)Remind your daughter she needs to be extra patient, also. Remind her, there are a lot of dads who focus on themselves or their sons so much, they forget about their daughters and she is lucky he cares enough to want involvement.
3)Start holding your hand up to them and say, "Go talk to her", or "go to talk to your dad about it", thus, removing yourself from the middle. It is a tough place to be in and they need "open communication" to develop in their own accord.
I bet you are a wonderful family and of course, remind them both, life is full of change and adaptation is part of our survival and commitment.
Love ya!
fernvalley01 said…
I guess men have sensitive days/months too, enjoy your trip,it will be good for you both
bill said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
kden said…
Bill my friend, you worry too much about what you say sometimes. We all say things occasionally that maybe we wish we hadn't. But that doesn't mean that we still don't care about that person. We are all friends here and I would like you to be free to say anything. I don't ever take your comments as mean spirited at all, just 'in the moment'. Please don't worry about it ;-)
Grumpy said…
If Bill's wife were to disappear under mysterious circumstances he might have a hard time explaining his comment here..

That's a joke.
Claire King said…
bill, I knew you don't mean anything in a mean spirited fashion, that's why I added, "maybe he was joking." kden allows freedom speech, have you ever read her sidebar? Ha! I hope I didn't offend you, bill! Grumpy, thanks for the uplifting comment...we can always count on you. (smile here).
bill said…
I didn't do it, officer, I was out of town when it happened.
Mr. Shife said…
Hey kden. I think you nailed it when you said what was going on with his feelings, and he is just trying to hang on to his little girl. I hope he can find a happy medium so there are no hurt feelings and you can just enjoy each other's company. Have a good weekend.

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