I Am An Evil Practical Joker

Every once in awhile my husband has to relay this story, usually to our daughter who I'm sure has heard it 100 times.

Long before she was born and his sons were only in grade school, he spent as much time with them as he could. One day he was going to take them to a fast food restaurant for lunch. I don't remember if it was a special occasion or even if it was a week day or week end. And I really don't know what possessed me to do this to him that day.

He always used a little coin purse for his spare change and just kept bills in his pocket. Before he left I fished out a couple of very dry cat turds from our kittie's box and put them in the coin purse. I was pretty much laughing the entire day at home anticipating what would happen.

As they entered the restaurant and placed their order at the counter, he paid with bills of course and then also wanted some change. In he reaches and ends up pouring out the change and......the little nuggets went rolling across the counter. At first no one knew what it was, including hubby. Then the realization came to him...and I suppose everyone else. The waitress backed up, his kids backed up, leaving the poor man all by himself at the counter with cat turds in his possession.

These were the days before cell phones so he couldn't call or text me to chew me out. I don't even remember what he said to me when he got home but he's told the story so many times and we all laugh, so he must have not been mad.

Until he told the story again a few weeks ago I didn't realize that I like to pull a lot of practical jokes on him. Let's see if I can name a few.

Spiders of any kind, plastic or meticulously cut out of paper and placed strategically alongside the toilet will make him scream like a girl. I can pull off the spider joke for several days in a row, several times a day. But you have to move them around like say....in his underwear drawer, under his pillow, next to his coffee cup.

I used to love to hide behind doors like Ellen and scare him. I still do. Or sneak up on him while he's totally entranced in something and yell "BOOGABOOGABOOGA."

His boys used to like to stick little pieces of paper in his mouth while he was sleeping with his mouth open and I admit I've done it a few times.

When he was a Massage Therapist I used to call him with a heavy accent and ask for an appointment.

I put Saran Wrap on the toilet and dumped a cold glass of water on him when he's in the shower (not in the same day, that would be mean).

I also like to scare my daughter and my mom used to get mad at me saying that my Dad used to do it to her (is evilness hereditary?) when they were newly married. Once I snuck up behind her while she was standing in the living room watching TV. I scared her so bad she cried hard. I did feel bad after that one but they just make is so easy..I can't stop myself.

But she has gotten me back a few times, sneaking up on me when I'm downstairs on the computer. She can move stealthily and can't even be heard....and then it's too late as she says a simple "BOO." I truly think my screams can be heard throughout the neighborhood while my arms are flapping up and down.

They have both gotten even with me a few times, but I think I still rein as Evil Practical Joker.


Peruby said…
The cat turds had me laughing SO hard. Brought on the headache, but so worth it. Headache will go away.

I am so surprised they did not shut the fast food place down and call in the Haz Mat.

Everything is blown out of proportion these days.

btw...GROSS! If it was before cell phones was it also before Anti-bacteria pump hand sanitizers? LOL!
Are you trying to kill the poor bloke? I'm laughing about the cat turds, but yuk! I bet your family are at this very moment hatching an evil practical joke to play on you. So watch out!
bill said…
Now that would have taken me some time to get over. You don't mess around with something sacred, like a pocket knife or a coin purse.
Grumpy said…
He asked for it by carrying a coin purse.
Mr. Shife said…
Awesome. The cat turd story is hilarious. Love that you are still doing this stuff to the hubby. Good times and way to keep him on his toes. Have a good weekend.

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