More On Change

This is kind of a take off on where my last post about my daughter ended. As she is now a Junior there are so many things to do before next year. There are AP tests in English, SAT and ACT's, Culminating Project, pouring over college material, and it's all about ready to drive me bonkers. By the first of next year we will  have to start FAFSA forms and filling out college applications.

I'm not sure how every other family is managing but she doesn't even want to deal with the college stuff. I can't say that I'm ready either but as a parent, I don't have a choice. If I don't push, it won't get done.

She's always been self motivated but not in this area. They have a special class that they do a lot of college prep work in, but I don't really know the progress because she doesn't talk about it much. There is a plethera of help in the Career Center at school, but do kids really have the ambition without parents prodding to go get help and information? I seriously doubt it.

Recently she took a personality profile quiz at and I admit some of the questions were stupid. But by the time she was done they had her pegged pretty good. She is classified as a ISFZ (Introverting-Sensing-Feeling-Organizing) and only 6% of responders fit the same profile. I wish I could copy and paste the entire profile but it would mean nothing to you. But if you knew her, you would agree wholeheartedly.

We haven't taken the next step to see what kind of careers fit this type of persona. Baby steps are what we're doing here because every time we try to work on it, she ends up in tears. But I'm worried that since she doesn't fit the 'norm' of personality, it will be difficult for her to find what wants to do. Her list of things she doesn't want to do is VERY long. I ask her what her friends are planning to take in college or even what college they want to go to. Her reply is "We don't talk about that kind of thing, they would think I was stupid if I asked them that."

What bothers me is that I don't think she realizes her true strengths and abilities. I see so much potential in her; more than I ever had. And more than likely she will be spending the first two years at a community college which means she will live at home; so at least half of her experience will be in a comfort zone.

It seems that most parents worry about their kids' grades, drinking, drugs, and objectionable friends. I have none of those worries and I am thankful. What I worry about is that she will not live up to her full potential because of her ISFZness and miss out on being something great.


Grumpy said…
Or she could mature and blossom. Learned that lesson with my granddaughter who we worried about until her senior year in high school. Suddenly she became more social, more involved and loves college.

Also, she will change her mind multiple times about what she wants to be and her course of study.
fernvalley01 said…
I think she will eventually live up to exactly what she is meant to be, but she may take a little more time to "find her feet" Hard to know at 17 what you want to do with the rest of your life , and whenever , wherever she lands , its never too late
D. Duplessis said…
Wow...Just two short years ago, I went through this exact kind of thing with my own daughter during her Junior year of high school. Back then she didn't really give a crap...she started giving a crap when she realized, towards the end of her Senior year that HS was almost over and she'd be free from High Schools constraints...she started maturing, thinking about her future, etc. It was wonderful to see, because I just gently nudged her and offered advice when asked for, and let her make up her own mind, and slowly but surely the woman she's becoming started to shine through. She's currently attending community college and doing what it takes to take control over her own life.

It's wonderful to watch, because two years ago...I was scared to death.

So to echo what Grumpy said...your daughter is likely to "mature and blossom". The hard part for you, and I believe any parent, is to let them do it on their own, and at their own pace, and trust that they'll make good decisions for themselves. Good luck!
kden said…
I hope you all are right. I'm so stressed over this it's unbelievable. I hope someday I can look back at this and say it was a breeze to get through.
bill said…
This subject matter is above my area of expertise. When I had teenagers coming up they were both smarter than me. My daughter always knew what she wanted to do, developed a plan and stuck with it, more or less. My son grew up a musician. Played in the JR. High and High School bands, during which time he formed a Rock band. I think all he wanted to do was make music. His hair grew long and he looked like one of those hippies I had come to detest. Kids often don't know what they want to do even after finishing college. Be patient. There's more at work here at her age than thinking about college. She'll see the light one of these, maybe not your light, but an inkling of her own vision. There! The old Profit has spoken.
kden said…
Thank you Wise Old Prophet. I always look forward to your wisdom in matters like these.
Mr. Shife said…
Just keep pushing and encouraging her and I think she will find her way. Sounds like you are doing a great job and when she sees that one thing that makes her heart leap it will be an amazing time for all of you. Good luck.

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