When Did The Dreams Die?

I said something to my husband the other day which surprised me. I didn't realize I felt that way until the words came out of my mouth.

He was complimenting me on my new glass totems, "You're very talented and you should be using that talent to sell these."

He said that he wished I could just do that, and not have to go to work.

I said "I don't have dreams like that anymore, I gave up on them a long time ago." I forced the other thoughts back inside my head and didn't say out loud that 'I am just biding my time until they put me in the ground.' But as the day progressed I kept thinking back to what I said and realized how much I believe it.

I get my glass half-empty attitude from my mom, who I imagine had dreams of her own too. She was fairly young when she married my dad and fell into caring for an alcoholic husband as well as three kids. Any aspirations she had were drank up from the hour of noon until he hit the sheets at 9. At what point did she realize her dreams were dead? She was a good singer and is a very talented artist. She still paints and I know she feels her best when she can still put out a nice looking piece of art. I know that because that's when I feel my best.

So when did my dreams die? I've always dreamed for someone else, there was really no room for mine. One day you think you'll get the chance and then you get knocked down over and over. Even when the others you dream for have their dreams squashed, it confirms what you've always known; that there is just no point in them anymore.

I won't tell my daughter that though because I want the best for her, just as I suppose my mom wanted for me. I want her to find her passion and hit it at full speed and don't let anything or anyone get in the way.

As women I think we need to be selfish; in the way that we shouldn't be distracted by those whom we feel we need to help to fulfill their own dreams. Because in the end we will always get left behind and just end up biding our time........


Grumpy said…
I too have told you that you should be selling your glass art as well as your photographs. Just get off your ass, contact some local street or art fairs about space and do it.

I still dream that Ann Margret is going to show up at my door one day and say "I want you". Probably won't happen, but it could.

The point is that, unlike most of us, you have a talent and a skill and you enjoy doing it. Why not give other people the chance to enjoy what you can make? If you make a few bucks, so much the better.
fernvalley01 said…
SO sad to read this! You are a wonderful woman and it is NEVER too late to realize a dream Hugs
bill said…
I've always been a half empty glass guy, more negative than positive, at least since early adulthood. Don't know why, it just seem to come natural. A dream is just a dream and we usually wake up and find we're in a grind or some rat race we hadn't planned on. That's life for most of us. Dreams usually get put on the back burner after marriage and certainly after we start a family, and we settle into making a living and making ends meet. Grumpy had a good idea. You have to find your place in the rut and dig out of it, sort of bloom where you are planted. Find something you can get excited about and do it. If you can't, do as Mark Twain did, write about it. Write about the dream, what you wished would have happened. Mark Twain said: I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. On the other hand, I'm a bad one to give advise; my head is screwed on crooked.
kden said…
Grumpy, you're funny ;-) I know what you're saying but I've done the shows with Tony. I know it takes money to make money but I can't put out a couple hundred dollars just to make 50. And it's not just the artwork, it's dreams in general. In trying to help Faith with upcoming college/career choices I see so many things that I wish I had the opportunity to study for or even the encouragement to try.

Thanks Fern, you make me feel better.

And Bill, I think your head is screwed on straighter than most.
Oh blimey kden, You are only 53. You can't give up yet. I'm 64, sometimes I get pissed off with life, but I still dream. Mostly about women I have to admit, but hey, each to his own. Hope you cheer up soon. :-)
Claire King said…
You may not give up on your dream. You have 20-30 years of energy and talent to use up. Please don't look at the last half of your life being unfruitful. If you do, does that mean I do too? You are only a few years older than I, and I am just feeling solid and hopeful that the next 20 years of my career will not be spent wherre the prior ones have. I have more to offer and deserve more for my efforts than the thankless job I have. So do you. Time to nurture yourself darlin'.

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