Good News Is Bad News

Thats's how my daughter sees it anyway. She doesn't deal with good news of others well, because she knows it will affect her somehow.

She has had no earth shattering losses in her life. She's only known one Grandparent and hasn't had to deal with the death of one. Hubby and I are older than her friends' parents but still very healthy. But she feels like everyone always leaves her.

Her step-brothers are so much older and they've had to go off to college several times and in several different places. That to her is considered leaving. She was devestated when the oldest brother married and then soon after they moved to the East coast. Visits were always infrequent and brief. Then when they had their son, that was another person taking her brother away from her.

Her other brother recently told us that he and his girlfriend got engaged. He had picked our daughter up to go to a movie and while she was in the bathroom, he told his dad (I wasn't home). So she didn't really hear it until they got back from the movie and I congratulated him.

She was sitting on the floor and I saw her eyes well up and face turn red. I tried to keep it light by teasing her. I wanted her to get it out and get over it instead of holding it in. So then she started crying and he tried to reassure her that it will probably be a year before they get married.

The big question is, who will relocate? She lives on the other side of the state. They are both proscecuting attorneys and with city budgets tanking every year, can one of them get a job in another city? He's worked his way up and has avoided every cut. Would he throw that all away to start over? Plus with his mom being where she is, I can't really see him moving away from her.

Those are the things I think about, but to my daughter, it is much more simple than that. Someone will be taking her brother away from her. She knows his girlfriend, it's not like she's a stranger, but still.....

Change has always been hard for her, since she was a small child way back in day care. She never wanted to move up to the next class. She would have been perfectly happy with being a 5 year old in the One year old room. As she got older, each summer she would fret about going on to the next grade, even with my reassurance. Her father's the same way, he doesn't deal with change well.

I just pray that someday she will see that change is constant and although not always fun it's necessary for us to grow.


Grumpy said…
I can identify. I stressed over each new school year and even got so attached to cars that I once cried when my parents traded a car in.

I empathize with her and hope she can come to peace with the fact that change is constant and inevitable.
kden said…
Grumpy, I think love for cars is a guy thing. Wait till you read about my cars next week. Oh you surely will identify with Tony.
D. Duplessis said…
Poor thing. I've seen that in other people and it's hard for them and those around them to figure out how to help them.

I learned early on that change is inevitable...people started dying on me when I was 7, when both my father and my great-grandmother died within 10 days of each other. Talk about change you have no control over but just have to deal with.

Not only that, but because my father and my step-father were constantly relocating for work, I lived in 5 states, and went to over 15 schools before I left high school! (I'm a confessed introvert with a weird sounding last you think I enjoyed that?)

I could go on and on about change and how it pertained to my life...but someone as young as your daughter perhaps should realize that if she thinks the uncontrollable changes she has thrust upon her suck...there are probably millions of people whose lives are so unequivocally worse than hers that they would gladly change places with her.

Wow...two healthy and vibrant parents that love her...I literally have NO IDEA how that feels...all thanks to "change".

Change sucks. Change also makes you grow the fck up and deal with life in a proactive and positive way, or it makes you weep in a corner. It's how we choose to deal with it that matters.

(Damn, hope I don't sound too preachy and unsympathetic)
kden said…
Preach it David! You're right and there are a lot of us that could benefit from your advice.
fernvalley01 said…
Poor kid, she will hopefully learn her brother is not leaving her life, but hard when you see it that way
My son is someone who hates change. In all areas of life. I think its OCD. Not much to be done about it sadly. Life is all about change.
Nezzy said…
Oh how sweet are the comforts of the familiar??? Heeeheheheh!!!

Hopefully, unlike her daddy, she'll grow outta it and want to soar like and eagle.

God bless ya and have yourself a great week my friend!!! :o)
Mr. Shife said…
I can totally relate with your daughter as I felt this way a lot especially when my close friends disappeared when they got a girlfriend. These feelings dissipated when I got older and hopefully that will be the case with your daughter. Good luck.

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