The Boyfriend Chronicles

Alright, I think it's time to tell you all what's going on with the kid's boyfriend. It's been 9
months, and they're still in love although they haven't seen each other in 3 years.

They were texting heavily for the past year until his mom put a stop to it. One night he sent her a picture of him without a shirt. To me, it was really no big deal, my daughter showed it to me. But his mom went balistic. She then texted my daughter and said that he was grounded for a month (after just getting off being grounded for a week). That grounding was because of the kinds of things he was saying; such as 'I Love You'. She told my daughter that they are too young to be in a relationship and they should be concentrating on God and although my daughter may not like her decision, she had to respect it and ended it by saying "Have a Blessed evening". Huh?

He's not allowed to date until he's 18, that's a little over a year away. I don't even consider that they are dating (but daughter disagrees), so why be so strict about it? His younger sister is 14 and I know when she starts feeling the tugging of loves heartstrings, the same rules will apply. It feels like she's making him deny his feelings and that is never good for a child. My daughter once told him that she wish his mom didn't hate her. He said she didn't hate her, she hates him. Obviously I don't know the whole story of their life but what I do see is a young man that doesn't think very highly of himself and says that he is 'outta there' as soon as he turns 18.

It makes my daughter sad when someone doesn't like her. She said if his mom got to know her, she would like her. I agree. It seems she doesn't even want to try. That's what bothers me about some people who claim to be Christians. Why would she not want to know someone who makes her son happy. I would love to have the boy come up and spend some time with us, but I know that will never happen.

If he still lived here and their time together was interfereing with school or home life I might have to agree with her. But really, what harm can be done by loving someone who lives 2500 miles away. She just wants to protect him from being hurt and not making the same mistakes she did. She got pregnant at age 15 and ended up having 3 other children and being with a man she didn't love. I've never heard of a long distance pregnancy though and don't think that should be the reason to not let them even communicate. There are so many bad things in this big old world and I don't see anything wrong with feeling the love of someone, even though it's so far away.

I'd love to protect my daughter's heart too, but a parent can't do that. If she was in harm, yes I would step in.  But I like this kid. From what I can tell, he's very respectful of her. Sending that picture was probably the raciest thing he's ever done. Other than church, this boy has no outside interests. He goes to online school at church and then church studies right after. Every single day he is there and has no other friends other than his classmates. I feel that being sheltered beyond belief is not necessarily healthy. Kids like that tend to go a little wild after being held under a thumb for so long. It's hard to function in the real world if you've never really been in it.

After the monthlong grounding, it was several weeks before she heard from him again, but only by email. And of course it was done on the sly. He is not allowed to text or use the phone at all except to call home or a teacher. They email daily now and sometimes chat through Facebook or Messenger. If his parents are totally out of the house they occasionally Skype. I applaud the rebel in him. Sometimes it's necessary for survival.

Before he was grounded he had even gone as far to get a second FB account with a slightly different name so they could actually say 'in a relationship', but soon after, his mom found out and she made him delete it. They can do FB but have to keep it light and not all lovey dovey. Good Grief. I enjoy bantering with him through her status's and hope that I don't scare him off, ha. I can see that he's doing the best he can to show his love and I tell my daughter that it's not his fault; his leash is just too short.

Every summer they travel close to us for a family reunion and last year they almost got to see each other but his mom backed out on her promise. This year I doubt that she will even let him sniff the air as they drive through. She's that strict.

I don't know how this whole thing will play out; whether they will give up or stick it out until they can be together. They may have some things in common but seem to have more differences. And at times I feel she's missing out on the 'High School Life' of dating and parties. I lay awake at night sometimes worrying about it. But I guess for now the relationship will just ride along as it has been until he or his mama makes a decision on which way it will go. I'm rooting for them though, I always root for love ♥


Peruby said…
OMG! That is a horrible way for a child to live. It makes me sick to my stomach. All too common, though.

He must be so miserable.
fernvalley01 said…
His mother seems to have more than his best interest at heart, more like a strangle hold on him!!! Good grief, how do we tell folks like that that holding so tight is truly pushing the kids away?
Grumpy said…
Parents like that think they are helping or protecting their kids when all they really do is alienate them. Sad for him, sad for your daughter.
Claire King said…
I am sorry your girl is in such a distant situation and then so darn squelched. That boy will never learn to love and learn, or be trained prior to a marriage. Take it from me, my last hubby had no training and that was not good.(smile here.)
Good for your daughter for remaining loyal though, that means everything.
That smothering mum is going to reap what she sows.
Mr. Shife said…
Rooting for love is always a good thing. It seems like a lot of people are rooting for hate these days. I hope things work out one way or another for your daughter and her friend, and I think you are being an excellent parent in this situation. Have a great weekend.
Elle said…
I really believe being that strict causes more rebellion. Seriously, with them being so far apart it's kind of crazy to be so strict.

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