Get A Hobby, Man

Since I've been working for my elderly couple for 6 years now, I have noticed a lot of things. First of all, they argue a lot. It's a constant power struggle with them; who's right and who's wrong. She feels cooped up, he doesn't take her anywhere. She says her husband verbally abuses her, but I've seen her do the same to him. I had a long conversation with their daughter about this recently and she said this is nothing new. They've been like this all the time she was growing up. I told her that her mom seems to be growing more dependant on me for companionship and a sounding board, which makes me feel uncomfortable. She is working on some avenues to getting her mom out of the house more without her husband but honestly I don't think her mom will actually do it, even though that's what she complains about not being able to do.

What really scares me about this scenario is that I could quite possibly see this as my husband's and my future. Not a pretty picture. Now that my husband is not working as much he has a lot more time on his hands. Summer is gone and soon there will be no more yard work to keep him busy. That is something that he loves and is good at.

Daughter and I like to chat about 'girl' things or if I see a picture or video on FB I show it to her. If we are having a conversation, we don't exclude him but it' clear it's about something he would not be interested in. He will only half listen and then about 10 minutes later he will ask us to repeat the whole conversation. Recently, I wanted to show her an old picture of her friend's birthday party in which she was in too. As I start to tell her about it, he jumps up and says "Whatcha got?" Clearly it was of no importance to him but still he had to see it.

This man really needs a hobby. So I told him that. I tried to be nice but it's didn't come off that way. I told him that Daughter and I can't be his entertainment so he needs to find something on his own that he would enjoy.

I set him up with a FB account over a year ago to get re-acquainted with old school friends. He really doesn't know how to use it though so I've been trying to help him. I guess he was getting the hang of it because he was notified that he was sending out too many 'friend requests' and got banned for 2 days. I thought it was funny but he took it personally, ha.

He thought about bowling but realized that might hurt his back. He thought about darts. We used to be in a league but the smoke in the bars got to us and most leagues are at night. I encouraged him to look into 'Sons of Italy", he's always wanted to do that but didn't really have the time when he worked more. So he found a club and went to the first meeting recently. It's at night too but would still work for him. They only meet once a month though and the meeting consists of a potluck dinner. I already informed him that I will not be making his meal for something I'm not going to partake in. Gotta set those rules up early ;-)

I think he'll like it the more he goes and gets to know more people. They do a lot of community work and activities and I think it will be good for him. It's important for spouses to have different interests, then they can enjoy each other at the end of the day when they haven't spent every waking minute together.

Which translates into "I Need My Space."


Grumpy said…
Thank you for confirming what I suspected; as soon as my wife retires I must get a part time job. It's either that or we end up as an episode on Dateline.
Claire King said…
Glad you are identifying this potential problem now and coming up with solutions early.
fernvalley01 said…
Funny I notice that a little too when hubby is off for a while , he calls a lot and just seems to need me near .Sweet for a while but...
bill said…
That's a good idea both have your own interest but, I say but, your husband might need a little help preparing his meal. I know I would, both with ideas for a meal and with the preparation.
kden said…
Bill, I would help him come up with an idea but if he can read a recipe he can sure put it together ;-) But he came up with something all on his own; he's going to make some homemade bread with the bread machine.
Mr. Shife said…
Hope it works out well and everyone is happy especially you. And definitely a good idea getting those rules put in place so there is no confusion. Good luck.
Loren said…
Have you thought about setting him up with his own blog?
kden said…
He had a blog Loren. Started and written Although he has written an ebook, his spelling and punctuation is horrible. So I had to edit the book and that's pretty much what I put on his blog; stories that he had written and excerpts from the book. So he had nothing to do with it, but he looked good b/c it was professional looking. I finally gave up because I couldn't keep up with it and it started getting spammed heavily. So you see why he needs HIS OWN thing, so I can rest.

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