A Sad and Unfortunate Weekend

My hubby had some extra vacation days coming because I guess they like him and rolled over days from last year; but they would only last until the end of summer.

I convinced him to take a few days and go visit a favorite uncle on the other side of the state. We usually try to see him on our own vacation but those haven't worked out lately. Hubby thought it was a great idea and called the uncle to see if this would work for him. Paul is 78 but still very active. He's a widower of many years and also had a very nice girlfriend we never got to meet, but has since passed also.

A few days before hubby left he was having second thoughts (he is psychic remember). He couldn't really attribute the feelings to anything concrete; just a feeling like he shouldn't go. Again, I convinced him to go. Besides daughter and I wanted to spend our own quality time. We did and had a good time with a movie one night and lunch the next day.

To do a little back story this Uncle dumped the whole family after his wife died and was out of touch with everyone for over 20 years. He just seemed to hate everyone and didn't have a nice thing to say about anyone. One day hubby had called him just to see how he was doing. I guess we didn't actually know we had been dumped too. Uncle ripped into my husband and made very derogatory remarks about his then business. I mean derogatory enough that I can't even repeat it. So at that moment, the family tie was broken. Paul is not a blood uncle but rather the result of his parent marrying my husband's grandparent, therefore him becoming an uncle. But he was still one of hubby's favorite uncle and always treated him as such. Since hubby's mother died when he was young and he never knew his father, he was bounced around from different relatives homes. And although Paul was not one of them he lived with, he still loved him and even named his youngest son after him.

Several years ago, out of the blue Paul sent us a video taken from old home movies and hubby was very touched. He left a phone number so hubby called and they've been in close contact ever since. No one else in the family has been in touch yet, so hubby felt pretty special to get his Uncle back.

The first night at Paul's went fine as well as the next day. They had a nice dinner out and he even gave hubby a large TV because he had been given a newer one recently. On Sunday they went to meet some friends of Paul's at a casino, had a nice brunch and then started the drive home. Before that even, my husband had started to see little bits of mood changes throughout the weekend. They started talking about family stuff and opening up and my husband happened to mention how much he missed Paul's wife (his aunt) after she died. Then he said he recalled that phone call years ago and how much that had hurt his feelings. Paul went silent, didn't say a thing until after they got home.

Then the rage began. He became very abusive and violent, almost to the point of throwing a punch. He told my husband that if he called any of his kids and tried to talk crap to them he would come over to Spokane and shoot him. Hubby really felt he meant it. He was afraid that he was seeing the 'real' Paul after all of the years of just hearing stories. I imagine this is what he was like after his wife died and he cut off all ties from his family. My husband thinks that when he met this other woman, she either got him help (and maybe meds) to control his moods/anger. We will never know.

I told hubby that he should have left that night, there is a motel basically right across the street. I would have understood an extra charge on the card. Instead he had to endure the berating and when they went to bed, Paul closed his bedroom door and didn't even come out the next morning when hubby left.

So now understandably my husband is very upset. I told him it's like a death and he will have to go through a grieving process, again. I fear we will never hear from him again and I'm even a little worried that he'll call the cops and tell him that hubby 'stole' his TV. It was already in the car by the time they were getting along so he couldn't just take it out easily.
Family ties broken in an instant
How fast things can change
These pictures just make me sad now. What should a nice weekend of family bonding became sad and unfortunate and they are destined never to be family again.


Peruby said…
Though not near as extreme as this, I had a similar incident with my mother's half brother. He was staying with me in my home and he turned into a lunatic before my eyes.

I wonder if it is medication but we never know.

If the TV is a problem just explain it to the police and tell them to take the damn thing back.

I hope your husband understand that it was not his fault.
So sorry your husband went through this. it is said when someone is mentally unstable and others pay the price.
Grumpy said…
Family matters can be tricky. I'm just glad Tony got out safely.
bill said…
Sorry that things turned sour. Unless it's medication these things are hard to understand and explain.
Breathe said…
Bi-polar? Sounds like it. So sorry for your husband.
D. Duplessis said…
Yikes. This episode proves what we all know all too well - sometimes family can suck. On the bright side...you might get to keep a free TV!
Claire King said…
So sorry things went south on your husband. Maybe just the reconnect brought back ill feelings of Uncle Paul's, which isn't an excuse for bad behavior. But maybe remorse set in for the unc and trust me, remorse or guilt is not easy to live with.

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