Cataract Surgery Doesn't Always Work Out For The Best


I am dead tired because my mom can see better.

Huh?

My mom is fully recovered from her appendix surgery and recently had cataract surgery on her second eye. She had the first one done about 6 months ago but still had trouble seeing well and used magnifying glasses a lot. Even watching TV wasn't too enjoyable.

But the day after her eye surgery she deemed herself cured of all eye problems and now realizes how dirty her house is. Trouble with that is that I'm the one that cleans her house. I used to be able to fudge a little about vacuuming in corners and swiping down cobwebs. She said she was going to the bathroom and noticed all the crumbs in the corner. "Who eats in the bathroom?", she thought.

Well, in my house you can frequently see my husband taking cookies into the bathroom and having a snack while.......well you get the idea. So I know how crumbs can get in the bathroom.

And when she gets on a tear she doesn't know when to stop. So if she sees crumbs in one room that means that the freezer needs to be defrosted. Don't ask me what the correlation is but that's just how she rolls.

On Tuesday I buy her groceries as usual but instead of bringing them in, I need to thaw out the freezer and clean the fridge. She can't find her old hair dryer that she uses to melt the ice nice and slow so I use another one and aim it at the ice chunks and start chipping away. I'm not into the slow steady process, I'm into the hack it and get it out process. It took over an hour to finally get everything cleaned and put away, along with the new groceries.

Then I had to move on to do what I usually do; change the sheets, wash them, dry them, put them away. She doesn't like to use fabric softener on her sheets so as I'm pulling them out of the dryer they're shocking the heck out of my hands, so I jump back and my butt hits the metal furnace and shocks me there too. I looked like a Mexican jumping bean.

Yes, while I'm at it I'll go outside and put Roundup on the weeds because now she can see them too. The darn primer is hard as heck to work and poison is dripping all over my hand but that's OK, I'll be fine.

And now she can also see all the little spots of pitch that everyone has brought in on their shoes from walking under the pine trees. So if you don't mind getting on the floor and cleaning them up with a little rag and some rubbing alcohol that would be great. Sure no problem, what's a little more caustic liquid on my hands.

I didn't even have time to do the vacuuming but that's OK, I got to go back today and do that as well as mop the kitchen, hallway and both bathrooms. And then apply that nice wax too so the floor looks all nice and shiny. And shake out the heavy dirty rug that hasn't been shook out for a year, at least. Little bits of dirt are pinging me in the face and I feel gross and dirty. Oh, and did you wash that furnace grate that was in the kitchen? You better use this brush to get all the dirt and grime off.

Who in the Hell washes their furnace grates? Certainly not me. Besides, that's where you can sweep the cookie crumbs.

She spots something dangling from the ceiling on a cobweb. She wonders how long it's been there but I just said I wasn't tellin'.

Could you also get those boxes out of the closet? I need to find something that goes along with my Will. I don't feel like getting the entire box out so I grab a few papers out of it and think that's what she wants. Uh, maybe, not sure. So I go back and grab a few more. Nope, it's on paper that looks like this but this isn't it. I go back and grab the whole damn box.

By the time I was finished today my plantar fasciitis was killing me. I told her my feet only hurt when I'm at her house ;-)

So where was I? Oh yes; It may appear that cataract surgery can work wonders for the elderly and improve their quality of life. But improving the life of their kids? Not so much.

Comments

ethelmaepotter! said…
Well, if ever you had reason to complain, it's now! Sorry that I'm laughing at your discomfiture, but...this is just too much!
Great post. I'm marking it one of my favorites.
Grumpy said…
That's hilarious. Buy her a frost free freezer and hire a once a week maid service.
kden said…
But I AM the maid ;-)

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