Mother's Day Thoughts

Another day that didn't go exactly as planned. We were supposed to visit my mom in the hospital and my two brothers would meet us there. Mom called and said she didn't feel up to company; had a bad night. Her BP was low and had a fever. So I called my older brother and he called my younger brother who was on his way into town. My younger brother stopped by for a quick visit which was nice, haven't seen him since last Fall. I told him to go up to see mom anyway because she wanted to see him since he drove all the way here.

So, all dressed up and nowhere to go, I put on my yard work clothes and dug into the dirt. We got a lot accomplished and finally finished the first go around of weeding. Now we'll just have to keep up with it. We put in a funny little garden of zucchini and beans. It's a very small area so we hope it will grow. Now my husband and daughter are upstairs fixing me dinner, which is all I wanted this year.

I've never really written about my own motherhood experience so here goes. When my husband and I got married he was 12 years older than I was (and still is I guess) and already had two kids, ages 5 and 10. Money was always tight and I used that as an excuse not to want kids. Plus, he was paying child support and I had this crazy idea that my child would always come in second to his first two. Plus, I was never really crazy about kids. Once we stopped in Chuck E. Cheese because we wanted some pizza and a beer and it was close. I actually felt so thankful that I didn't have to put up with screaming, crying, sticky little kids and couldn't believe that anyone else could.

About 18 years ago I had fibroid tumors and opted to just have them removed instead of a hysterectomy, I wasn't quite ready for that drastic of birth control. After the surgery my doctor said that one of my tubes was blocked and he wasn't sure about the other one because he didn't have time to check it. So I just figured now that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and stopped using any birth control.

About 5 years later I felt like I was going to start my period but it never came. I called my husband at work and asked if he could pick up a test kit, but I assured him that I would start my period----any minute now. He brought it home and as soon as the pee hit the stick it turned pink. I put it down and ran out of the bathroom not telling him. Maybe it will turn back before the time is up. I made him go look when it was ready because I couldn't do it. I absolutely could not believe that I was pregnant. Shocked. Floored. Scared.

I slept on the couch and cried for two nights. I was 36 years old, not a spring chick anymore. My husband was 48, and definitely not a young buck anymore. How in the heck were we going to do this.

It was 2 days before Christmas Eve so I decided to tell my family when we got together as usual. I didn't drink any champagne that night which I usually do on Christmas Eve. My step-dad knew then I was pregnant because he knows there's no way I would go without champagne for no reason. After all the gifts were opened I gave my mom one last present, a pregnancy test stick with the pink center. She thought it was a toothbrush. She was happy, although I thought she would be upset. I just never felt like I did right by her and was always waiting for the criticism. She seemed genuinely happy though.

It was a great pregnancy despite gestational diabetes. I never got too sick and really felt good until the last month. I had to have a C-section though because of my previous surgery. I had an amnio on July 31st to see if her lungs were mature enough and the next day she was born. My husband was with me despite claiming to be squeamish. We three spent the next two days in the hospital getting to know each other and it was one of the most special times I have ever had.

She was a tough little kid to raise, never stopped crying and I could never put her down. I think they call it 'high-needs'. The first few years were the absolute hardest. I couldn't wait for her dad to come home at night so I could hand her over. I hadn't had breakfast, lunch or dinner because I WAS breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She also had a reflux problem which taught us not to jostle her around after a feeding. Once I was wearing a white sweater and lying back on the couch. I raised her up in the air and apricot baby food and milk rained down on me and filled by bra as I sat up. During feeding we were draped in blankets. We couldn't use the cute little burp rags, we had to use baby blankets to cover ourselves with. I had to change her and myself at least two or three times a day.

But now as I look back at those days I miss them. I miss the sticky little hands and the baby that fit so neatly under my chin while sleeping. Today my beautiful daughter is 13 and is the perfect child. She's never caused us a moment of behavioral problems. She's a 4.0 student and will be starting high school next year. This summer she will be taking her first trip without me, clear across the U.S. I guess the cord has finally been cut.

But when we hug, her head tries to fit in the same spot under my chin and I feel like I did the first time I saw her. So, happy Mother's Day to me!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Two parents who are raising a child with a 4.0 and never any behavioral problems? You are obviously doing everything right! You need to pat yourselves on the back!
ethelmaepotter! said…
Great post! There were tears in my eyes as I read your last paragraph. A very happy Mother's Day to you.
Anonymous said…
ILY
Signe said…
Great post :) Kids are an amazing gift, expected or not. (my first wasn't planned)

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