A few of us have downloaded Do Not Track, thanks to Grumpy and Bill's recent posts about Google's new policy changes that allows them to follow us all over the web.
I now have it on both computers using Firefox and IE. Thousands of different companies have been blocked from spying on my browsing habits. One thing I did notice is that my followers on my blog disappeared as well as all of yours. At first I thought it was a Blogger problem, but didn't find anything in their recent issues.
So I opened the little DNT + icon box from my blogs website and found that Google Friend Connect was being blocked. I unclicked it and then refreshed, and there they were. All my friends were back. If I want to see who follows you, I would have to do the same on each and every blog I go to. Or if I want to follow another blog, I first have to see other followers in order to follow. The nice thing is though, that you can always change it back to being blocked, nothing is permanant.
Maybe none of you care who is following you, but I guess I'm kind of egotistical like that. I like to see all of my followers in neat little rows, just waiting for me to say something witty.
Other than that one little thing, I like the program and feel I've done just a little to keep prying eyes outta my life.
2/29/12
2/24/12
The Boyfriend Chronicles
Alright, I think it's time to tell you all what's going on with the kid's boyfriend. It's been 9
months, and they're still in love although they haven't seen each other in 3 years.
They were texting heavily for the past year until his mom put a stop to it. One night he sent her a picture of him without a shirt. To me, it was really no big deal, my daughter showed it to me. But his mom went balistic. She then texted my daughter and said that he was grounded for a month (after just getting off being grounded for a week). That grounding was because of the kinds of things he was saying; such as 'I Love You'. She told my daughter that they are too young to be in a relationship and they should be concentrating on God and although my daughter may not like her decision, she had to respect it and ended it by saying "Have a Blessed evening". Huh?
He's not allowed to date until he's 18, that's a little over a year away. I don't even consider that they are dating (but daughter disagrees), so why be so strict about it? His younger sister is 14 and I know when she starts feeling the tugging of loves heartstrings, the same rules will apply. It feels like she's making him deny his feelings and that is never good for a child. My daughter once told him that she wish his mom didn't hate her. He said she didn't hate her, she hates him. Obviously I don't know the whole story of their life but what I do see is a young man that doesn't think very highly of himself and says that he is 'outta there' as soon as he turns 18.
It makes my daughter sad when someone doesn't like her. She said if his mom got to know her, she would like her. I agree. It seems she doesn't even want to try. That's what bothers me about some people who claim to be Christians. Why would she not want to know someone who makes her son happy. I would love to have the boy come up and spend some time with us, but I know that will never happen.
If he still lived here and their time together was interfereing with school or home life I might have to agree with her. But really, what harm can be done by loving someone who lives 2500 miles away. She just wants to protect him from being hurt and not making the same mistakes she did. She got pregnant at age 15 and ended up having 3 other children and being with a man she didn't love. I've never heard of a long distance pregnancy though and don't think that should be the reason to not let them even communicate. There are so many bad things in this big old world and I don't see anything wrong with feeling the love of someone, even though it's so far away.
I'd love to protect my daughter's heart too, but a parent can't do that. If she was in harm, yes I would step in. But I like this kid. From what I can tell, he's very respectful of her. Sending that picture was probably the raciest thing he's ever done. Other than church, this boy has no outside interests. He goes to online school at church and then church studies right after. Every single day he is there and has no other friends other than his classmates. I feel that being sheltered beyond belief is not necessarily healthy. Kids like that tend to go a little wild after being held under a thumb for so long. It's hard to function in the real world if you've never really been in it.
After the monthlong grounding, it was several weeks before she heard from him again, but only by email. And of course it was done on the sly. He is not allowed to text or use the phone at all except to call home or a teacher. They email daily now and sometimes chat through Facebook or Messenger. If his parents are totally out of the house they occasionally Skype. I applaud the rebel in him. Sometimes it's necessary for survival.
Before he was grounded he had even gone as far to get a second FB account with a slightly different name so they could actually say 'in a relationship', but soon after, his mom found out and she made him delete it. They can do FB but have to keep it light and not all lovey dovey. Good Grief. I enjoy bantering with him through her status's and hope that I don't scare him off, ha. I can see that he's doing the best he can to show his love and I tell my daughter that it's not his fault; his leash is just too short.
Every summer they travel close to us for a family reunion and last year they almost got to see each other but his mom backed out on her promise. This year I doubt that she will even let him sniff the air as they drive through. She's that strict.
I don't know how this whole thing will play out; whether they will give up or stick it out until they can be together. They may have some things in common but seem to have more differences. And at times I feel she's missing out on the 'High School Life' of dating and parties. I lay awake at night sometimes worrying about it. But I guess for now the relationship will just ride along as it has been until he or his mama makes a decision on which way it will go. I'm rooting for them though, I always root for love ♥
months, and they're still in love although they haven't seen each other in 3 years.
They were texting heavily for the past year until his mom put a stop to it. One night he sent her a picture of him without a shirt. To me, it was really no big deal, my daughter showed it to me. But his mom went balistic. She then texted my daughter and said that he was grounded for a month (after just getting off being grounded for a week). That grounding was because of the kinds of things he was saying; such as 'I Love You'. She told my daughter that they are too young to be in a relationship and they should be concentrating on God and although my daughter may not like her decision, she had to respect it and ended it by saying "Have a Blessed evening". Huh?
He's not allowed to date until he's 18, that's a little over a year away. I don't even consider that they are dating (but daughter disagrees), so why be so strict about it? His younger sister is 14 and I know when she starts feeling the tugging of loves heartstrings, the same rules will apply. It feels like she's making him deny his feelings and that is never good for a child. My daughter once told him that she wish his mom didn't hate her. He said she didn't hate her, she hates him. Obviously I don't know the whole story of their life but what I do see is a young man that doesn't think very highly of himself and says that he is 'outta there' as soon as he turns 18.
It makes my daughter sad when someone doesn't like her. She said if his mom got to know her, she would like her. I agree. It seems she doesn't even want to try. That's what bothers me about some people who claim to be Christians. Why would she not want to know someone who makes her son happy. I would love to have the boy come up and spend some time with us, but I know that will never happen.
If he still lived here and their time together was interfereing with school or home life I might have to agree with her. But really, what harm can be done by loving someone who lives 2500 miles away. She just wants to protect him from being hurt and not making the same mistakes she did. She got pregnant at age 15 and ended up having 3 other children and being with a man she didn't love. I've never heard of a long distance pregnancy though and don't think that should be the reason to not let them even communicate. There are so many bad things in this big old world and I don't see anything wrong with feeling the love of someone, even though it's so far away.
I'd love to protect my daughter's heart too, but a parent can't do that. If she was in harm, yes I would step in. But I like this kid. From what I can tell, he's very respectful of her. Sending that picture was probably the raciest thing he's ever done. Other than church, this boy has no outside interests. He goes to online school at church and then church studies right after. Every single day he is there and has no other friends other than his classmates. I feel that being sheltered beyond belief is not necessarily healthy. Kids like that tend to go a little wild after being held under a thumb for so long. It's hard to function in the real world if you've never really been in it.
After the monthlong grounding, it was several weeks before she heard from him again, but only by email. And of course it was done on the sly. He is not allowed to text or use the phone at all except to call home or a teacher. They email daily now and sometimes chat through Facebook or Messenger. If his parents are totally out of the house they occasionally Skype. I applaud the rebel in him. Sometimes it's necessary for survival.
Before he was grounded he had even gone as far to get a second FB account with a slightly different name so they could actually say 'in a relationship', but soon after, his mom found out and she made him delete it. They can do FB but have to keep it light and not all lovey dovey. Good Grief. I enjoy bantering with him through her status's and hope that I don't scare him off, ha. I can see that he's doing the best he can to show his love and I tell my daughter that it's not his fault; his leash is just too short.
Every summer they travel close to us for a family reunion and last year they almost got to see each other but his mom backed out on her promise. This year I doubt that she will even let him sniff the air as they drive through. She's that strict.
I don't know how this whole thing will play out; whether they will give up or stick it out until they can be together. They may have some things in common but seem to have more differences. And at times I feel she's missing out on the 'High School Life' of dating and parties. I lay awake at night sometimes worrying about it. But I guess for now the relationship will just ride along as it has been until he or his mama makes a decision on which way it will go. I'm rooting for them though, I always root for love ♥
2/19/12
Husbands Own Language
Bill wrote a post recently and mentioned the term "here's the skinny" and how it came about. My husband has his own language when he describes things. Some are real, some made up. Laugh along with me as I give you his phrases and the definition.
Chesterfield--couch.
Push ana Pull--the act of vacuuming.
The left hand don't know what the right hand's doing--to describe his bosses, or anybody in authority.
Set a spell--go to the bathroom.
Wanna take a rassle?--When his kids were little this is how he would ask if they wanted to wrestle.
I don't know what in the Hell's going on--When he has an ache or pain of any kind even if it's been going on for years, he will have the same comment when he feels it.
Plum or Plumb, not really sure--He uses this word for only two phrases; to say "I'm plum full or I plum forgot."
I'm fixin' to...-- Anytime he is going to DO something, he says "I'm fixin' to go to the store."
Give a call--Instead of telling someone to "give me a call" he says "give a call."
Must be broke--This must be one of my favorites. It's used anytime he can't get something to work and it's usually when it's his fault something doesn't work. So in essence....it "Must Be Broke."
He also says something that I can't find in the Italian translation, maybe it's a slang term. But it's (to the best of my non-Italian spelling) Etteda Dingada which to him means "enough already".
You would think he's Southern by some of the things he says, but he's not and never lived there either. He's Italian, and being so, he cannot talk without using his hands. When he says certain things he always has the same hand gestures.
Down the road-arm at chest height with palm down but close to body. Smoothly push your hand away from you in a swooping motion as if your hand is going 'down the road'.
Bread-when telling a waitress that you'd like some bread, make a chopping motion with your hand, that means sliced bread.
Bowl of whatever-the same waitress will know that you want a bowl of anything if you cup your hands when asking for said item; usually you will be asking for extra sauce or Mizithhra cheese.
There are so many of these hand gestures but I would need to study him for several months to get them all down, and I do have a life you know. But what's fun to watch is when he's on the phone. Last night he was talking to his son asking if he could come over and change a lightbulb on the stairway landing. As he's talking from his chair, he's pointing in the direction of the stairway as if his son can see this. Who needs TV, I get my comedy fix just by watching him.
Chesterfield--couch.
Push ana Pull--the act of vacuuming.
The left hand don't know what the right hand's doing--to describe his bosses, or anybody in authority.
Set a spell--go to the bathroom.
Wanna take a rassle?--When his kids were little this is how he would ask if they wanted to wrestle.
I don't know what in the Hell's going on--When he has an ache or pain of any kind even if it's been going on for years, he will have the same comment when he feels it.
Plum or Plumb, not really sure--He uses this word for only two phrases; to say "I'm plum full or I plum forgot."
I'm fixin' to...-- Anytime he is going to DO something, he says "I'm fixin' to go to the store."
Give a call--Instead of telling someone to "give me a call" he says "give a call."
Must be broke--This must be one of my favorites. It's used anytime he can't get something to work and it's usually when it's his fault something doesn't work. So in essence....it "Must Be Broke."
He also says something that I can't find in the Italian translation, maybe it's a slang term. But it's (to the best of my non-Italian spelling) Etteda Dingada which to him means "enough already".
Down the road-arm at chest height with palm down but close to body. Smoothly push your hand away from you in a swooping motion as if your hand is going 'down the road'.
Bread-when telling a waitress that you'd like some bread, make a chopping motion with your hand, that means sliced bread.
Bowl of whatever-the same waitress will know that you want a bowl of anything if you cup your hands when asking for said item; usually you will be asking for extra sauce or Mizithhra cheese.
There are so many of these hand gestures but I would need to study him for several months to get them all down, and I do have a life you know. But what's fun to watch is when he's on the phone. Last night he was talking to his son asking if he could come over and change a lightbulb on the stairway landing. As he's talking from his chair, he's pointing in the direction of the stairway as if his son can see this. Who needs TV, I get my comedy fix just by watching him.
2/14/12
Do You Prefer Lights On Or Off?
Ah come on, get your mind outta the gutter. But I'm glad I got your attention.
All my life I've been a stickler about leaving porch lights on at night to keep the bad guys away, but now I'm not so sure. We have one large yard light, which comes on when it gets dark. Our entire neighborhood has the same type. At our gate we have a motion sensored light, just like all of the homes on our block. Then there is the back porch light and a light in the patio.
We have lived in our home for 14 years and we have had so many things stolen from our yard it's ridiculous; a shepherd hook hanger for a bird feeder, multiple pieces of yard art, some bought, some made by me, and hubby's gas can. Last summer someone broke our sensor light and left the back gate open.
The latest casualty recently was our snow blower, which was under the patio. We saw our gate open one morning so I took a quick look around the yard the next day and all of my yard art was still there. That's all I was interested in I guess. Then a few days later hubby goes under the patio to bring in some firewood and noticed that he didn't have to move the snow blower to get to it. Dammit! I could hear him yelling from inside the house.
It just doesn't make sense to keep lights on anymore, it seems all we're doing is showing them the way to the goods. I used to enjoy living on a corner because you only have one neighbor to put up with. But now I just feel vulnerable to anyone walking through the alley or on the sidewalk.
And look how our house sits, up higher than anyone else on the block. You would think that would stop them. But no, they jump up on the rock wall and right over the fence. That's only when they're not coming through the gate. Yes, we have a lock but that gets to be a pain to unlock it every morning and then lock it again at night. And really, what's going to stop them from jumping over a tiny little fence anyway? I think later this year we're going to check into getting either a wood fence or a higher chain link. With having Nellie, I never thought it was fair to not let her see out of the yard. When the weather is good, she loves to sit in the back corner of the lot and watch the whole world go by. But she's getting older now and I guess safety and personal property are now more important.
The patio sits about 10 feet from the back door which means they had to come from the gate clear up to the house. And one of my bedroom windows (from the basement) is right at the patio. If I hadn't had earplugs in I probably would have heard something. Now I'm a little hesitant to go to sleep thinking I have to stay awake and listen. Screw it, I'm tired. If people want something bad enough they will take it whether I'm asleep or not.
But what's next? Are they going to break down the back door and come in? People are getting desperate, they need stuff to sell in a hurry to buy that next high or whatever. I've never thought this was a bad neighborhood and I still don't but I am sure getting more uncomfortable. A few weeks ago, an elderly man at the end of the block had his garage broken into.
The only thing that gives me satisfaction is the fact that it was not that great of a snow blower. We bought it about 5 years ago at a pawn shop for 50 bucks. The electric start had gone out and it was getting harder to pull start it. But still it was all we had and it got the job done. Hopefully we have seen the last of our snow.
Until we get a new fence I guess we'll have to invest in some large chain and locks to tie things to the posts in the patio. We have an awfully nice large gas grill just sitting there ripe for the picking.
All my life I've been a stickler about leaving porch lights on at night to keep the bad guys away, but now I'm not so sure. We have one large yard light, which comes on when it gets dark. Our entire neighborhood has the same type. At our gate we have a motion sensored light, just like all of the homes on our block. Then there is the back porch light and a light in the patio.
We have lived in our home for 14 years and we have had so many things stolen from our yard it's ridiculous; a shepherd hook hanger for a bird feeder, multiple pieces of yard art, some bought, some made by me, and hubby's gas can. Last summer someone broke our sensor light and left the back gate open.
The latest casualty recently was our snow blower, which was under the patio. We saw our gate open one morning so I took a quick look around the yard the next day and all of my yard art was still there. That's all I was interested in I guess. Then a few days later hubby goes under the patio to bring in some firewood and noticed that he didn't have to move the snow blower to get to it. Dammit! I could hear him yelling from inside the house.
It just doesn't make sense to keep lights on anymore, it seems all we're doing is showing them the way to the goods. I used to enjoy living on a corner because you only have one neighbor to put up with. But now I just feel vulnerable to anyone walking through the alley or on the sidewalk.
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| rock walls and fences cannot keep them away |
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| from the back gate; patio to the left of the house |
But what's next? Are they going to break down the back door and come in? People are getting desperate, they need stuff to sell in a hurry to buy that next high or whatever. I've never thought this was a bad neighborhood and I still don't but I am sure getting more uncomfortable. A few weeks ago, an elderly man at the end of the block had his garage broken into.
The only thing that gives me satisfaction is the fact that it was not that great of a snow blower. We bought it about 5 years ago at a pawn shop for 50 bucks. The electric start had gone out and it was getting harder to pull start it. But still it was all we had and it got the job done. Hopefully we have seen the last of our snow.
Until we get a new fence I guess we'll have to invest in some large chain and locks to tie things to the posts in the patio. We have an awfully nice large gas grill just sitting there ripe for the picking.
2/9/12
It's Time, Part 3
THE AFTERMATH
On top of owing Dave 50K, we were also 40K in personal debt. After the business slowed so much we used second mortgages and credit lines to live on. So now, no business and 90K in debt. Not a pretty picture. I was desperate, I had to grovel. And to all people, I had to grovel to my mother. She knew what we were going through (she was the only one I told, other than two close friends), but she had no idea of the debt we were in. She had the money, but she needed to sell off some things to liquidate it. Her money manager told her not to do it, my older brother was livid (she had to tell him I guess). She drank and said bad things to me, horrible things. Things a mother should never say to her daughter. The morning she said she would have the money I called to tell her to forget it. But her demeanor had softened and I went to her house with my tail between my legs to accept her check for 40K. Other than dealing with the State, it was the lowest point of my life.
I talked to my brother and his wife to tell them the whole story and how we came to be in so much debt. He was sympathetic but also being the practical first born, he asked why hubby didn't look for a 'real' job earlier. It wasn't that easy. We were pretty much on call for 3 years to run to Dave's office at any time of any day. And when you're in so much pain it's hard to be productive and cheerful enough to look for work. I should have likened it to when his first wife left him, to immediately go out and look for a new one. Well, he eventually did but it took awhile. He also thought we should file bankruptcy, like it was such an easy thing to to. We had debt between both business and personal accounts, so I didn't see that as a possibility.
I wiped out all of the debt other than Dave's with my mom's check. But now since hubby wasn't working, I had to start all over building it up again. God I hated it. He was really trying to get a new business off the ground (the one I spoke of earlier-psychic reader), but it just wasn't bringing in enough money. I looked for work and he eventually got the driving job. Ever soooo slowly we were paying off bills. We would set priorities and first paid the car off, and then this bill and that one. We are now down to one with a 10K balance, and life feels manageable again. Not easy mind you, but manageable.
We kept in touch with Dave for a few years and sent him a paltry 20 bucks a month. It was truly all we could do but I was determined to pay it off. I ran into him one day and he told me to just forget the whole debt. He appreciated what we had been sending but we didn't have to do it anymore. I wished I had got it in writing and hope it doesn't come back to bite us in the butt someday. But I went home very relieved that day. If he had still been with his old firm, I know this debt would not have been forgiven, we probably would have lost everything. I noticed that he looked very thin that day and not well. He finally told me that his wife and daughter had cleaned out the bank account and house and left him. I was so shocked. Why? Was he not the great guy I thought he was or was the stress and his own debt of the 'trial' just too much for them? I always felt kind of bad though and hoped we weren't the cause. They are divorced now and he has even closed his business. I hope that he is at least back working for another firm, but I just can't find a trace of him anywhere. Even though we lost the case, I know he worked his butt off and sacrificed much. Many nights he slept at his office to get work done. I will always remember him fondly for that and don't automatically lump all attorneys together in the same stereotype anymore.
And now? It's been several years but it is still with me. You can't go through something like that and not have it affect you. Hubby and I don't even talk about it, there's really nothing to say. I believe I suffer from PTSD. It's better now, but people in suits coming to the door (like Jehovah's Witnesses) freak me out and I don't answer. If a large manila-type piece of mail comes, I panic. I still hold my breath when I grab the mail out of the slot. Mail does not bring good news. I had one person to talk to during this time, but the subject matter was so vile I couldn't go into depth that much. I felt very alone and I'm sure hubby felt the same way. We couldn't even talk about it together. I am more guarded and less trusting.
And now to the part where my husband accepts responsibility. He was super talented as a Massage Therapist, he loved the work and got results when even Physical Therapists could not. But he was also an arrogant man with an attitude. He also has no filter on his mouth and just says what's on his mind, and some people just don't like that. When you've got two very strong personalities I think they clash. In part I believe that's why Debbie told lies about him. And with her and Donna being good friends I could really see them sitting around a table drinking coffee and coming up with things to hurt him. Another thing I believe is that Donna may have had a little thing for him; because we were both so nice to her. And obviously when you are getting pain relief, you are also getting emotional relief and I believe that she confused the two. With Julie, I have no idea what in the Hell she was thinking. The sister that referred her continued as a patient long after Julie filed a complaint so I just don't get it. Dave made a surprise visit to her one day, her husband had left her and she was sitting alone in her house with curtains drawn. He said it was strange, and so was she.
To show you what kind of women they are, one of them would call the State every time the new phone book came out and our old advertising was still in there. When you have a free listing in the yellow pages, it almost takes an act of Congress to get it out. Even after moving home and changing the phone number, they still list it under Massage Therapy. To this day we still get calls for inquiries about Massage because from phone book listings, web sites pick it up and then it's gone viral. Many years and phone calls later I think we finally got it all cleared up but it was a pain in the A$$ to have an Investigator show up at your home asking why you were still advertising as a Massage Therapist. So every year I would write a letter to them and explain why, and the last one I wrote was just downright rude, I was sick of it. Mean, mean, women.
Our office was even broken into during this time. Absolutely nothing was taken even with a checkbook sitting right on the shelf. Only our files had been gone through. Donna's file said her daughter has been abused by a family member and hubby told her to go see someone about it and even got her hooked up with a therapist because he wasn't comfortable with her telling him this stuff. So we think this knowledge that he had, scared someone and they wanted any evidence gone. But none of the women's files were there anymore, so they got nothing.
But it is what it is and nothing can change it. I'm not sure if I believe that things happen for a reason, but I could say that the one good thing that came out of this all is that my husband has changed. I guess being threatened by me to "get his shit together-or else" helped. But he has lost his arrogance (mostly) and has become more grounded which in turn has caused his gift to be more of a forefront in his life. Another good thing is that a wonderful man and mentor in Georgia encouraged my husband to put his writings into an ebook and he even wrote a recommendation for the book and offered up 4 of his own bonuses to go with it (he's an author and speaker). He was very instrumental in getting this book into publication and he gave us the courage to let go of the past and embrace the future.
I'm glad I could write about this and hopefully purge it from my life. It's also good to get the perspective of the falsely accused and not the victim for a change. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more now, knowing there are two sides to every story. And sometimes the accused really is the victim.
Truly ironic is that the same State that took away our livelihood is now supplying our daughter with Medicaid for health, eye, and dental needs. Hubby and I also had low cost health insurance from the state for some time but were cut when funding was cut back. So maybe it equals out, they ruined us and now have to pay for our daughter's braces. I've got to find the humor SOMEwhere.
Thanks for reading and I hope that this doesn't change the way you feel about me as a person (that is my biggest fear) and decide not to come back any more. I guess that's just a chance we all take in our blogging, by saying things that maybe our readers really don't want to hear. I just hope that won't be the case here. Blogging has been my saving grace and I truly appreciate my friends who stop by to read and comment. Thank you all!
I talked to my brother and his wife to tell them the whole story and how we came to be in so much debt. He was sympathetic but also being the practical first born, he asked why hubby didn't look for a 'real' job earlier. It wasn't that easy. We were pretty much on call for 3 years to run to Dave's office at any time of any day. And when you're in so much pain it's hard to be productive and cheerful enough to look for work. I should have likened it to when his first wife left him, to immediately go out and look for a new one. Well, he eventually did but it took awhile. He also thought we should file bankruptcy, like it was such an easy thing to to. We had debt between both business and personal accounts, so I didn't see that as a possibility.
I wiped out all of the debt other than Dave's with my mom's check. But now since hubby wasn't working, I had to start all over building it up again. God I hated it. He was really trying to get a new business off the ground (the one I spoke of earlier-psychic reader), but it just wasn't bringing in enough money. I looked for work and he eventually got the driving job. Ever soooo slowly we were paying off bills. We would set priorities and first paid the car off, and then this bill and that one. We are now down to one with a 10K balance, and life feels manageable again. Not easy mind you, but manageable.
We kept in touch with Dave for a few years and sent him a paltry 20 bucks a month. It was truly all we could do but I was determined to pay it off. I ran into him one day and he told me to just forget the whole debt. He appreciated what we had been sending but we didn't have to do it anymore. I wished I had got it in writing and hope it doesn't come back to bite us in the butt someday. But I went home very relieved that day. If he had still been with his old firm, I know this debt would not have been forgiven, we probably would have lost everything. I noticed that he looked very thin that day and not well. He finally told me that his wife and daughter had cleaned out the bank account and house and left him. I was so shocked. Why? Was he not the great guy I thought he was or was the stress and his own debt of the 'trial' just too much for them? I always felt kind of bad though and hoped we weren't the cause. They are divorced now and he has even closed his business. I hope that he is at least back working for another firm, but I just can't find a trace of him anywhere. Even though we lost the case, I know he worked his butt off and sacrificed much. Many nights he slept at his office to get work done. I will always remember him fondly for that and don't automatically lump all attorneys together in the same stereotype anymore.
And now? It's been several years but it is still with me. You can't go through something like that and not have it affect you. Hubby and I don't even talk about it, there's really nothing to say. I believe I suffer from PTSD. It's better now, but people in suits coming to the door (like Jehovah's Witnesses) freak me out and I don't answer. If a large manila-type piece of mail comes, I panic. I still hold my breath when I grab the mail out of the slot. Mail does not bring good news. I had one person to talk to during this time, but the subject matter was so vile I couldn't go into depth that much. I felt very alone and I'm sure hubby felt the same way. We couldn't even talk about it together. I am more guarded and less trusting.
And now to the part where my husband accepts responsibility. He was super talented as a Massage Therapist, he loved the work and got results when even Physical Therapists could not. But he was also an arrogant man with an attitude. He also has no filter on his mouth and just says what's on his mind, and some people just don't like that. When you've got two very strong personalities I think they clash. In part I believe that's why Debbie told lies about him. And with her and Donna being good friends I could really see them sitting around a table drinking coffee and coming up with things to hurt him. Another thing I believe is that Donna may have had a little thing for him; because we were both so nice to her. And obviously when you are getting pain relief, you are also getting emotional relief and I believe that she confused the two. With Julie, I have no idea what in the Hell she was thinking. The sister that referred her continued as a patient long after Julie filed a complaint so I just don't get it. Dave made a surprise visit to her one day, her husband had left her and she was sitting alone in her house with curtains drawn. He said it was strange, and so was she.
To show you what kind of women they are, one of them would call the State every time the new phone book came out and our old advertising was still in there. When you have a free listing in the yellow pages, it almost takes an act of Congress to get it out. Even after moving home and changing the phone number, they still list it under Massage Therapy. To this day we still get calls for inquiries about Massage because from phone book listings, web sites pick it up and then it's gone viral. Many years and phone calls later I think we finally got it all cleared up but it was a pain in the A$$ to have an Investigator show up at your home asking why you were still advertising as a Massage Therapist. So every year I would write a letter to them and explain why, and the last one I wrote was just downright rude, I was sick of it. Mean, mean, women.
Our office was even broken into during this time. Absolutely nothing was taken even with a checkbook sitting right on the shelf. Only our files had been gone through. Donna's file said her daughter has been abused by a family member and hubby told her to go see someone about it and even got her hooked up with a therapist because he wasn't comfortable with her telling him this stuff. So we think this knowledge that he had, scared someone and they wanted any evidence gone. But none of the women's files were there anymore, so they got nothing.
But it is what it is and nothing can change it. I'm not sure if I believe that things happen for a reason, but I could say that the one good thing that came out of this all is that my husband has changed. I guess being threatened by me to "get his shit together-or else" helped. But he has lost his arrogance (mostly) and has become more grounded which in turn has caused his gift to be more of a forefront in his life. Another good thing is that a wonderful man and mentor in Georgia encouraged my husband to put his writings into an ebook and he even wrote a recommendation for the book and offered up 4 of his own bonuses to go with it (he's an author and speaker). He was very instrumental in getting this book into publication and he gave us the courage to let go of the past and embrace the future.
I'm glad I could write about this and hopefully purge it from my life. It's also good to get the perspective of the falsely accused and not the victim for a change. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more now, knowing there are two sides to every story. And sometimes the accused really is the victim.
Truly ironic is that the same State that took away our livelihood is now supplying our daughter with Medicaid for health, eye, and dental needs. Hubby and I also had low cost health insurance from the state for some time but were cut when funding was cut back. So maybe it equals out, they ruined us and now have to pay for our daughter's braces. I've got to find the humor SOMEwhere.
Thanks for reading and I hope that this doesn't change the way you feel about me as a person (that is my biggest fear) and decide not to come back any more. I guess that's just a chance we all take in our blogging, by saying things that maybe our readers really don't want to hear. I just hope that won't be the case here. Blogging has been my saving grace and I truly appreciate my friends who stop by to read and comment. Thank you all!
2/6/12
It's Time, Part 2
Part 2 of 3...
Now I will tell you about the women. It's hard to even remember their names, I have shoved them deep down for several years now. Donna had been coming the longest, a year and-a-half at least. She was originally referred for injuries in a car accident. I would describe her as a tad slow, but very sweet. She had problems so we always tried to be nice to her. One year for her birthday we gave her a plant. She cried and said that no one had ever done anything that nice for her before. One year for Christmas she gave us a card, some candy and some cologne for my husband. She even let my husband borrow her car for a short time when his broke down. Yes, I considered her a friend. That's why it was so hard to hear what she was charging. We ate the candy, eventually threw the card away and kept the cologne. Who knew that years down the road we would need that same card for evidence?
As you can guess, all charges were sexual in nature. It's just too easy to blame a male therapist with a sexual complaint. It's easier to believe than if it were reversed. If it was a man blaming a woman therapist, it would be like "yea sure." And I'm not here to try and convince you that he didn't do it. I know he didn't, that's all that's important. He was guilty of something which I think contributed greatly to this whole ordeal, but I will go into that later.
The next woman, Debbie, was Donna's friend. I don't believe she came as a Dr. referral, only referred by Donna. I think she came less than a year. She scared me and I felt very intimidated by her. She was a strong personality and I never felt comfortable in her presence.
Woman three, Julie, was referred by her sister who had been coming for well over a year too. She is kind of a blip in my memory, nothing really stood out about her and I don't think she was a client for long. We have all of this information put in a big valise in the basement. I could open it, but it would be like opening a giant case of pain that I don't want to open, even for accuracy's sake.
The last woman was Julie's mother. She actually was not a complainant. She didn't want anything to do with it but after the investigator talked to Julie, then they wanted to talk to her mom. So the investigator just wrote what she said but it wasn't an official complaint, but the State used it anyway. Two of the women had even gone to the police but were sent away. No evidence and they couldn't pursue it. Take it to the State, the police said.
Months and months passed, with depositions of the women, Investigator, and many trips to Dave's office. I went to every one of them. It wasn't just my husband's problem, it was our life and business we were defending. When people do this, it not only hurts the person being accused, but also the family. They probably never thought that I would be spending many nights crying myself to sleep.
Dave had petitioned to get records from Debbie's therapist. She had been in therapy for several years but her attorney got that request denied. Well at least it cost her some money and hopefully she felt some of what we were going through.
By then the 60K was blown through and we were just coasting on credit and the goodness of Dave. He was now in his own office away from the firm and we met his wife and daughter who worked with him part time. They were all very important to us and made us feel safe. His paralegal Karen was also very sweet and we became close. She eventually left the office to become a photographer and took hubbys shots for his website and advertising material.
About three years since the beginning of Hell, it came time for the trial. It's not really a trial, but it's just easier to classify it as such. Two days were originally scheduled but then it turned to 4. We had to arrange for our daughter who was now about a forth grader to stay with a friend after school until we got home. It's hard to be going through all of this and take care of your child and act normal. I hope we did alright but still the stress of it all was very difficult.
From Day One, Dave had told us that it is rare to win against the State. We could have originally taken the deal of a 20K fine, revocation of license for 10 years and having his name put in the sexual offenders database. But that wasn't an option, so here we were. Fighting the best fight we had.
One by one each woman took the stand to tell their 'story'. The teary eyes and catching breath played right into the hands of the judge and prosecuting attorney. I've got to tell you a little about her. She looked hard, and mean. In her 30's, she was out for blood. Hair pulled back into a tight pony tail and no make up with pursed lips, she was fit for the job. And she sweat, a lot. During breaks, Karen, Dave's daughter and I would make fun of her; all dressed up in her best grey suit with HUGE pit stains. It was comic relief for us and the only bright spot in those 4 days. The judge looked friendly and fair and didn't speak much. We really thought we had a chance. But since the judge and proscecuter had to fly over from the other side of the state you know darn well that they traveled together and probably even shared meals. That hardly seems fair and balanced judging.
When it finally came time for us to surprise Donna with her gifted bottle of cologne, I thought she was going to fall off her chair. She had the most busted look on her face but came back with saying that we must have bought it at a yard sale. What are the chances? She sold Mary Kay, where she got the cologne. When you sell Mary Kay, you put your own little name tag on each product. I know because I used to sell it too. So there's this cologne with her name on it, and we got it at a yard sale? Seriously?
The mother wasn't there because she wasn't officially a complaintant right? But we still had to hear what she said via the Investigator.
We had our own defense too. First the Investigator had to say that during his deposition he changed the wording to where the mother had claimed hands were placed. She never said hands were placed ON her breast during her interview with him. He changed the wording in the depo; he lied. This is just not right.
We also had the police officer who had told the women that they had no case. He was a hostile witness and did not want to be there at all. I didn't even know who he was and what he was doing there. Dave had not even told us about him. But I could clearly see that he was mad and his testimony sounded like it would help us too.
Then we had 3 of our favorite patients come and talk about my hubby and how they had never felt threatened or abused in any way. One of them is a Sister and we are still close to her as well as another woman. When day 4 was over, I cried. Cried a lot. Mostly because it was over. We all hugged each other, Attorney, his daughter, and Paralegal in a huddle of tears. It had been exhausting, but it was over. At this point I really didn't care what was going to happen to our business, we had emotionally moved on. He was still licensed but just because of the stress the business had dropped off dramatically. In the interim, we had closed the office and moved the business home. It worked, we had a nice room in the basement and patients were OK with it. It's the room I sleep in now, it has been purged of all negativity. Although I still probably have the ghosts, ha.
By then we were 50K in debt to Dave, he had used 20K of his own money in the beginning before we sued the insurance company. There was nothing else to do now but wait for judgement. Hubby was due to renew his license in October but we decided to just let it lapse. Even if the judgement was for us, he didn't even want to be a Massage Therapist anymore. They had just sucked all the life out of it. Six or eight weeks later we got a large folder mailed to us, it was IT. Our hands shook when we opened it. The judge basically said that he did not believe ONE word that my husband and I had said and believed EVERY word that the women claimed. We were very heartbroken but not surprised. And to be honest, we didn't even care. I guess we even found it a little funny. He could re-apply for licensure in 5 years but the chances that he would even WANT to do that? Not even imaginable.
To be continued.....
Now I will tell you about the women. It's hard to even remember their names, I have shoved them deep down for several years now. Donna had been coming the longest, a year and-a-half at least. She was originally referred for injuries in a car accident. I would describe her as a tad slow, but very sweet. She had problems so we always tried to be nice to her. One year for her birthday we gave her a plant. She cried and said that no one had ever done anything that nice for her before. One year for Christmas she gave us a card, some candy and some cologne for my husband. She even let my husband borrow her car for a short time when his broke down. Yes, I considered her a friend. That's why it was so hard to hear what she was charging. We ate the candy, eventually threw the card away and kept the cologne. Who knew that years down the road we would need that same card for evidence?
As you can guess, all charges were sexual in nature. It's just too easy to blame a male therapist with a sexual complaint. It's easier to believe than if it were reversed. If it was a man blaming a woman therapist, it would be like "yea sure." And I'm not here to try and convince you that he didn't do it. I know he didn't, that's all that's important. He was guilty of something which I think contributed greatly to this whole ordeal, but I will go into that later.
The next woman, Debbie, was Donna's friend. I don't believe she came as a Dr. referral, only referred by Donna. I think she came less than a year. She scared me and I felt very intimidated by her. She was a strong personality and I never felt comfortable in her presence.
Woman three, Julie, was referred by her sister who had been coming for well over a year too. She is kind of a blip in my memory, nothing really stood out about her and I don't think she was a client for long. We have all of this information put in a big valise in the basement. I could open it, but it would be like opening a giant case of pain that I don't want to open, even for accuracy's sake.
The last woman was Julie's mother. She actually was not a complainant. She didn't want anything to do with it but after the investigator talked to Julie, then they wanted to talk to her mom. So the investigator just wrote what she said but it wasn't an official complaint, but the State used it anyway. Two of the women had even gone to the police but were sent away. No evidence and they couldn't pursue it. Take it to the State, the police said.
Months and months passed, with depositions of the women, Investigator, and many trips to Dave's office. I went to every one of them. It wasn't just my husband's problem, it was our life and business we were defending. When people do this, it not only hurts the person being accused, but also the family. They probably never thought that I would be spending many nights crying myself to sleep.
Dave had petitioned to get records from Debbie's therapist. She had been in therapy for several years but her attorney got that request denied. Well at least it cost her some money and hopefully she felt some of what we were going through.
By then the 60K was blown through and we were just coasting on credit and the goodness of Dave. He was now in his own office away from the firm and we met his wife and daughter who worked with him part time. They were all very important to us and made us feel safe. His paralegal Karen was also very sweet and we became close. She eventually left the office to become a photographer and took hubbys shots for his website and advertising material.
About three years since the beginning of Hell, it came time for the trial. It's not really a trial, but it's just easier to classify it as such. Two days were originally scheduled but then it turned to 4. We had to arrange for our daughter who was now about a forth grader to stay with a friend after school until we got home. It's hard to be going through all of this and take care of your child and act normal. I hope we did alright but still the stress of it all was very difficult.
From Day One, Dave had told us that it is rare to win against the State. We could have originally taken the deal of a 20K fine, revocation of license for 10 years and having his name put in the sexual offenders database. But that wasn't an option, so here we were. Fighting the best fight we had.
One by one each woman took the stand to tell their 'story'. The teary eyes and catching breath played right into the hands of the judge and prosecuting attorney. I've got to tell you a little about her. She looked hard, and mean. In her 30's, she was out for blood. Hair pulled back into a tight pony tail and no make up with pursed lips, she was fit for the job. And she sweat, a lot. During breaks, Karen, Dave's daughter and I would make fun of her; all dressed up in her best grey suit with HUGE pit stains. It was comic relief for us and the only bright spot in those 4 days. The judge looked friendly and fair and didn't speak much. We really thought we had a chance. But since the judge and proscecuter had to fly over from the other side of the state you know darn well that they traveled together and probably even shared meals. That hardly seems fair and balanced judging.
When it finally came time for us to surprise Donna with her gifted bottle of cologne, I thought she was going to fall off her chair. She had the most busted look on her face but came back with saying that we must have bought it at a yard sale. What are the chances? She sold Mary Kay, where she got the cologne. When you sell Mary Kay, you put your own little name tag on each product. I know because I used to sell it too. So there's this cologne with her name on it, and we got it at a yard sale? Seriously?
The mother wasn't there because she wasn't officially a complaintant right? But we still had to hear what she said via the Investigator.
We had our own defense too. First the Investigator had to say that during his deposition he changed the wording to where the mother had claimed hands were placed. She never said hands were placed ON her breast during her interview with him. He changed the wording in the depo; he lied. This is just not right.
We also had the police officer who had told the women that they had no case. He was a hostile witness and did not want to be there at all. I didn't even know who he was and what he was doing there. Dave had not even told us about him. But I could clearly see that he was mad and his testimony sounded like it would help us too.
Then we had 3 of our favorite patients come and talk about my hubby and how they had never felt threatened or abused in any way. One of them is a Sister and we are still close to her as well as another woman. When day 4 was over, I cried. Cried a lot. Mostly because it was over. We all hugged each other, Attorney, his daughter, and Paralegal in a huddle of tears. It had been exhausting, but it was over. At this point I really didn't care what was going to happen to our business, we had emotionally moved on. He was still licensed but just because of the stress the business had dropped off dramatically. In the interim, we had closed the office and moved the business home. It worked, we had a nice room in the basement and patients were OK with it. It's the room I sleep in now, it has been purged of all negativity. Although I still probably have the ghosts, ha.
By then we were 50K in debt to Dave, he had used 20K of his own money in the beginning before we sued the insurance company. There was nothing else to do now but wait for judgement. Hubby was due to renew his license in October but we decided to just let it lapse. Even if the judgement was for us, he didn't even want to be a Massage Therapist anymore. They had just sucked all the life out of it. Six or eight weeks later we got a large folder mailed to us, it was IT. Our hands shook when we opened it. The judge basically said that he did not believe ONE word that my husband and I had said and believed EVERY word that the women claimed. We were very heartbroken but not surprised. And to be honest, we didn't even care. I guess we even found it a little funny. He could re-apply for licensure in 5 years but the chances that he would even WANT to do that? Not even imaginable.
To be continued.....
2/3/12
It's Time, Part 1
There is one story I haven't told yet, but I think it's time. It may help you understand where I come from sometimes; the fear, the anger, the depression. And I need to get it out and get rid of it. I need to get rid of the shame because I don't want to hide behind it anymore. I want to name names and not be afraid of the 'four' anymore. They got their chance to tell their lies, it's time for me to tell the true story.
This has to do with the past business my husband had, that I have written about a few times, and how that business came to an end. He doesn't read my blog and I think my daughter hasn't looked at it in months. If for some reason Dear Daughter that you see this, please talk to me and I can explain further. This will also probably be the longest post I have ever written so I will appreciate you for sticking with it.
THE STORY
My husband used to be a Licensed Massage Therapist. A good one I must say. He became licensed in 1988 at my insistence because I knew he had more to offer than the dead end jobs that he had been working. At that time you didn't have to go to school so he studied on his own and eventually passed the exam. It took a few tries though and he ended up getting a tutor at the end to get through the last state test.
His first job as a LMT was in a Chiropractor's office. I didn't like the guy at all, but we both learned a lot on how to run an office, bill insurance companies, etc. I was with him all the way. He eventually left that office and rented a space from a Physical Therapist. Soon he wanted to be totally on his own and we found a nice little office space close by. It was a lower level office and as cute as can be, we really liked it there. With $500.00 borrowed from my mom, he had a new massage table built specifically for him. Hubby busted his butt visiting doctors to get them to refer patients. That's really where the money is in this business. That way you can bill for L&I and auto accidents. Slowly, the business grew and his most profitable year he made 46K. I had been a waitress but eventually quit to be there full time.
After our daughter was born, there was a little room in the back where I kept an extra playpen and toys. She pretty much grew up in that office and people loved coming in to see her there. We had patients and we had friends. It's hard not to see the same person come in 1-3xweek and not think of them as friends. We made tons of goodies every Christmas to hand out and many reciprocated. It was really a great life and so perfect for us......until.....
One day in either '01 or '02 (Many dates are foggy for me so I may not get them exactly right) we got back from lunch and there was a little business card stuck in our door from a State Health Investigator. That is NEVER good. It's happened before but it's usually something you can just either make a phone call, or write a letter with copies of a chart to straighten it out. But the card said "call me, ASAP" on the back. We started sweating.
When we finally made the call we heard the investigator tell us there had been a complaint filed against my husband. My blood ran cold. He wanted us to make an appointment to talk. We made the appointment for the next day or two and thought we better call an attorney first. My husband knew some attorneys that had been past clients so gave them a call. Since they were criminal defenders they referred us to another group that works in another area. Cases like these are not criminal; they are state hearings. We got an appointment with a firm downtown. Our new attorney-to-be led us into a conference room and came in looking grim.
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
He said there were a total of four women who had filed complaints, over the last few years. What? Is that really possible? That's the first thing that made me think that something was fishy in Denmark. Two of the women were friends, good friends. The other two were mother and daughter. We remembered them all. How could they, how did this happen?
How can the State hang onto complaints for years and not do anything about it? Why now, all of a sudden, bundle them all together and file one big-ass complaint? I think each one by itself had no merit, but after awhile the State doesn't want to look bad and decides to do something about it, even if it's wrong.
The first thing our attorney did was call the investigator and cancel our appointment. They would be dealing with him from now on. His name was Dave and I liked him. First, we had to figure out how we were going to pay for his services. Massage Therapists have to purchase liability insurance and part of this coverage is money available to help for any defense if needed. Trouble is, there was only 10K available for each charge and there was a total of 6 different charges. The insurance company would not budge on their coverage, (because technically it was ONE complaint) so we first had to sue our own insurance company for proper compensation. In my opinion Dave was a saint. He did not have to do this, it wasn't part of the job. But he did it anyway and it cost us time and money but was necessary to go forward. We won that case and were awarded 60K to fight the State now.
To be continued.....
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